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Divorce Mediation |
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The way your marriage ends will impact the way you approach
future relationships. Mediation can help preserve the best of your
relationship while the adversarial system will preserve the worst of your
relationship. Mediation builds on the positive where both parties can find
acommon ground for agreement. In the adversarial system, parties are forced
to focus on the negative about one another and to win at the other's expense and
even at the expense of their children.
Mediation is a non-judgmental, constructive and creative way to solve
problems. In mediation, you will be provided with the legal information you
need to make the right decisions for your family. Mediation helps you
identify options and create innovative solutions, and helps you reach
decisions through mutual cooperation and understanding rather than through
fear, intimidation and coercion.
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Going Around the System |
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Mediation helps you go around the adversarial system rather than through
it thus saving money, time and emotional conflict. The average uncontested
divorce costs, at minimum, $15,000-$50,000 per person. Many divorces cost
much more. In mediation, clients can share the expenses totaling a maximum
of $5,000 between them or far less depending on the mediator's rate and how
long it takes them to settle.
Mediation is also confidential. What is said in mediation cannot be used
in court. All discussions are made in a safe environment where you are free
to express how you feel and what you need. Emotions can be managed and diffused in mediation.
A trained mediator
can assist the parties in acknowledging their feelings and help them to hear
one another but not allow the feelings to control the decision making
process. In the adversarial system, feelings can get very volatile based on
the way the system is set up. Lawyers do not have the skills to diffuse
difficult emotions the clients may be feeling. As a result bad decisions can
be made. It is difficult to think clearly when you are upset, afraid or feel
backed in to a corner. We can help you mediate even if you are not speaking
to one another.
Mediation makes it easier on the children and can help them heal faster,
because they know you are working together to make adult decisions that will
work for the entire family. Needless to say, mediation is also easier on you
as well.
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You Have Control |
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In mediation, the clients have control of the process and can decide how
fast or slow they want to go and what the terms of the agreement will be.
Each step is by agreement. In the adversarial system, lawyers can file
motions, set pre-trials and court dates without your permission. Judges make
decisions with very limited time and information. It is important to take
the time to reach an agreement and not rush through it. The stakes are very
high, your future. "You are deciding on no less than what each of you needs
to make your life function."(Friedman)
If you wind up in the adversarial system, what you mediated won't be
lost. You have still saved time, pain and money. You can litigate only the
issues that were not resolved. Sometimes people drop out of mediation,
because they think they will have to give less to their spouse if they
litigate. It often winds up that you have to give more and pay more for the
very result you did not want in the first place.
Mediation is not a conflict free process. It can be a bumpy journey. There is no easy way to get
divorced. But if you hang in there, it will resolve itself far better than
a litigated divorce.
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"A Guide to Divorce Mediation"
by Gary Friedman
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"Crazytime"
by Abigail Trafford
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